@pixelatedboat: "They call me Mr Six Hours," I told her, trying to make it sound like a sex thing not the amount of time my head was stuck in a beehive for
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Momfia: Remember ladies: when a guy says "I'm listening" what he means is "I bet if Godzilla had machine guns for arms he'd of been unstoppable".
@Fred_Delicious: *knock at the door* "H...hello?" "Hi, i'm not a mouse" "Phew, that's good because im a large block of cheese, lemme just open thARGGGHHHHHHH
@moose_chocolate: Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident? Is it possible to stab someone non-violently?
@PajamaStew: Twitter is the only place where it's actually BORING to discover that you are being followed by hundreds of robots.