@meganamram: They call me the Titanic because I once went down on a bunch of Irish peasants
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@dlockw21: IT: You deleted the OS? Me: I think so. IT: It didn't warn you? Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What's with the inquisition bro?
@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
@Coolisiana: *saves baby from burning building* "How can I ever repay you?!" Favstar in the bio "Oh I don't have Twi-" *returns baby to burning building*
@VodkaShorebird: A good way to help you determine who to weed out of your life is probably by how someone pronounces "coyote".