@meganamram: They call me the Titanic because I once went down on a bunch of Irish peasants
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@HairyJew4Life: Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years? Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: let's go vegetarian Husband: can we still eat eggs M: of course H: fish? M: obviously H: bacon on special occas- M: we'd be crazy not to
@jjax44: It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt...and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back.
@Book_Krazy: Hub: Did you eat all the nachos? Me: Noooo. I had one nacho. Hub: because they were stuck together? Me: LIKE I SAID, ONE NACHO!