@meganamram: They call me the Titanic because I once went down on a bunch of Irish peasants
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@MatCro: ME: I'm off to that meeting BOSS: Forget something? M: Yes! [kisses boss gently on forehead] B: I meant your pen [whispers] but thank you
@faisaladam_: If a girl says she loves you, do you tell her thank you or run away screaming? Asking for a dad. Seriously, asking for a dad. I need a dad.