@LosLos__: They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
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@DaddyJew: Cop: you failed to obey the stop sign Me: I got lost in the music C: what song? M: I'd rather not say C: what song?!? M: I saw the sign
@StephenBCramer: I installed a mirror in front of my toilet so that when I run out of things to read I will have someone to talk to.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF
@lecalabara: Hey, your parents conceived you the same year my parents conceived me, let us be friends! High school is stupid.