@LosLos__: They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
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@1NTERCEPTOR_: When they were saying "we will find a good home for him" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!
@ag_loco: Dear men, We love you until you forget to call or show up late or breathe the wrong way - women P.s you're reading this tweet wrong
@BCMontgo: [first date] Him: See? Juggling on a unicycle is easy. Her: You've lost a lot of blood. Him: I'm fine. Throw in another chainsaw. Her: While you're just laying there?
@kibblesmith: The genie sang that whole song about how he's gonna be Aladdin's best friend ever right in front of the monkey