@weirdralph: They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? "We don't know who he is, but we know his dentist!"
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@dubstep4dads: Judge: Show us on this doll where the man hurt you. Me: He didn't. But watch this. [I make the doll do a backflip] Judge: Holy shit lol
@Vice_Queen: Romantic movies taught me that you always have to walk out after a big argument so that 6yrs later you can meet by chance and get married.
@dubstep4dads: .@cocacola i tried to give a coke bottle to a polar bear. he did not accept. also he took my son. i need my son back
@Reverend_Scott: [landlord walks in apartment] "I told you no pets!" That's a stray gerbil. "And those fish??" ...stray fish. SHOO FISH, SCRAM