@CharlesFinch: They did not think through this water fountain
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@Kyle_Lippert: Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.
@LuckoftheDraw86: *hands you baby* Here's your Christmas present I got it at the mall but it didn't come with a gift receipt & people may be looking for it.
@SamGrittner: I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
@Quadricycle: [At restaurant] I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! But I'm on a diet so... [To waiter] Do you have diet horse?