@SamGrittner: They don't hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It's Restockholm syndrome.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Today is apparently Ash Wednesday which I can only assume has something to do with our hero from the hit TV show Pokémon.
@fro_vo: [wedding] Priest: repeat after me Groom: after me P: ... [to bride] is he serious Bride: no his name is gary
@HiddleDeeDee: "There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." And other inspirational things I say to my kids when we're in public.
@abhorrent_wife: Hi, I'm Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as "No, YOUR face is stupid" and "I didn't trip you, you fell".