@Underchilde: They don’t make microwaves the size of refrigerators because they know if you were high you’d try nuking your friends.
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@heapsOhate: *finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed.
@SarahJonesVent: How to Parallel Park 1. Back in slowly 2. Nope wrong angle 3. Oh god, ur holding up traffic 4. Keep driving forever, u live in the car now
@praisecheese: "Archeology is just like search and rescue only everyone's been dead for 5,000 years, so there's no rush"