@Underchilde: They don’t make microwaves the size of refrigerators because they know if you were high you’d try nuking your friends.
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@waelwulf: Careful, friends. [bends down and examines a handprint in the sidewalk] There is a very powerful child nearby.
@murrman5: [cornerman sitting me down after the first round] ya gotta stop telling him you’re diabetic he doesn’t care
@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there