@WilliamAder: They found Richard III's skeleton in a parking lot. Time stamp on the ticket stub indicates he owes $8,432,773.
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@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.
@TheMichaelRock: All the good guys aren't taken; they're at the bar on Tuesday nights. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet.
@Reverend_Scott: Throwing pregnancy tests into the shopping carts of random couples at Walmart is the only silver lining in my day.