@rikpayne: They irony of being hit by a Dodge.
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@StinkyGr33n: What's the past tense of "wake & bake"? "Woke and boke"? "Awake and baked"? "Awakened and baconed"? Whatever it is, I'm that
@CM2BTTHD: I just saw my 25-year-old son run water on a slice of pizza to cool it off. I need to sit down.
@joejwest: [knocking at the door] VOICE OUTSIDE: Open up this is the fashion police! ME: [furiously flushing bandanas down the toilet] JUST A SECOND