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@rikpayne: They irony of being hit by a Dodge.
@carlawh: When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background.
@NoChillPosts: MIND BLOWN
@GuyEndoreKaiser: Do you have any motivational books?
Yeah, they're in the back.
(long pause) Do you have any that are closer?
@LurkAtHomeMom: Friend: OMG did u see the thing on the news about the sinister clowns?
Me: *flashback to me watching the debate* yeah I think I saw that
@omgthatspunny: There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.