@jazmasta: They laughed at me when I bought Velcro sneakers but no one will be laughing when the great shoelace drought of 2044 comes
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@Stuccoman1: The way my dog maintains eye contact while taking a dump is unsettling. Can't he read a magazine like a normal dog?
@notalogin: If you see a kid who's physically unusual somehow, be sure to mention it to the parents. Odds are, they've never noticed and will thank you.
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: “If I die first, I want you to remarry.” Me: “Wow. Do you really hate me that much?”
@PaperWash: "Pharaoh, we have completed the pyramids. They align to communicate with the galaxy" Sweet. Hey look at these stupid cats I drew LOL