@therealeatwood: They needed three Back to the Future movies so they could cover life’s three great concerns: one’s birth, one’s future legacy, and cowboy
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [doctor presses play] [video of me having a hard time slowing down after exiting an airport moving sidewalk] couple: maybe a different donor
@TheDailySchmuck: Top Five Creepy Things: 5) Dark and stormy nights 4) Spiders 3) Cars with eyelashes 2) Decaf drinkers 1) People who take one bite of cake
@lgbk44: as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money
@PabloGSerski: Justin Bieber's to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.