@TitansHomer: They only arrested Justin Bieber cause he's black.
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@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"
@joeldanger: I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me.
@SortaBad: No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch