@TitansHomer: They only arrested Justin Bieber cause he's black.
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@AHMalcolm: Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about
@Jamie1947: Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before
@IamEveryDayPpl: My neighbors started Christmas decorating right after they ran out of Halloween candy so I called the police.
@StoferComic: A picture's worth 1,000 words, which explains why Twitter only shows 14 percent of the images I post.