@jazmasta: They probably could have called lightbulbs, just "bulbs". Most people would still get it.
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@jimmytorosian: [Soldiers regrouping] Where's Jim? He went M.I.A. *Cut to Jim* ♫ All I wanna do *bang bang bang bang* *reloading noise* And shoot enemies ♫
@britt_anylynn: The sign at the McDonald's I just passed says "We hiring" in case you're wondering what kind of qualifications you need to have to be hired.
@liv_thatsme: HOW TO RUIN A GRADUATION DINNER: Hi, I'm your server. "Our son got a degree!" Wow! I have a Master's. Wanna start w/ some chips & salsa?
@ThaJawn: (playing Monopoly) Hour 1: Why don't we play this more? Hour 16: *holding bloody napkins to nose* Does it look broken?