@crushingbort: They put babies on packages of toilet paper because that's what we used to wipe with before scientists discovered they grow up into people
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@markedly: Spanish: The h is silent English: Many letters can be silent French: All letters are meaningless, every living thing is born without reason
@edfoxcomedy: 1) Bake cake. 2) Don't cut it into pieces. 3) Eat the whole thing. 4) Claim I ate "only one piece of cake."
@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)