@BrainFumbles: They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder.
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@KKAlThani: If you listened to your heart please speak to a doctor cause it's isn't normal for a piece of meat to be speaking to you
@JB4Realz: SON: Daddy, where do tweets come from? DAD: Well, son...when a Desire for Validation and a Character Limit love each other very, very much.
@Laser_Cat: [interview] So what's a personal strength? "Honesty." And a failing? "I murder people who don't hire me."
@robfee: Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?