@BrainFumbles: They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder.
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@TheSharona06: "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!" I scream to my dogs as they all watch me trip, run into the coffee table and spill my coffee all over myself.
@decentbirthday: *dancing with the stars* *all of a sudden there's a fault in our stars* me(to stars): what the hell guys? we practiced this! *star wars*
@TheAlexP: Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."