@buck4itt: They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
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@DirtMcTurd: "Heres your social security card, you need it forever! Its made of paper, don't laminate it. Good luck." -The Government
@nachosarah: when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak
@TheTweetOfGod: What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common? You guessed it: we're all white.
@Brianhopecomedy: I've tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby.