@AntozWolf: They say being a hostage is difficult - but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
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@I_am_Lukem: I don't understand why people get excited about carbon dating. But then perhaps I just haven't met the right pencil.
@patnspankme: (during sex) Me: Is that good? Her: Real good, baby. Her mom: Good af. Me: How many more dates until your mom quits chaperoning us? Her: I dunno. Mom? Her mom: Honey, look at him, not me. You’re making this weird.
@jumpdashark: My tombstone will read: If You Don't Know Me By Now, You Will Never Ever Ever Know Me.