@AntozWolf: They say being a hostage is difficult - but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
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@edgeoftheword: And then alcohol said "Put that on facebook, it's hilarious." But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong.
@JermHimselfish: *takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*
@RxitWounds: [Auto-shop class] "Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van" *raises hand* "Or a truck" *lowers hand*
@WhatevaConc: If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street.