@fatherofcomedy: They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.
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@jergarl: "Calm down" I suggested. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT CALM?" she carved in the side of my truck.
@Weird_Rash: List of food it’s okay to eat with your hands: - corn on the cob - chicken wings - ribs - hamburgers - spaghetti at your in-laws
@hyperblastchic: Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot! Priest: This is communion... M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr- P: Leave.
@tbhjustkoaIa: i love when people apologize to me about their rooms being dirty I’m just like lmao u should see my life