@samsara668: They say I can take the catheter out next week. And no, I'll never piss on an electric fence again
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@KentWGraham: I set my GPS voice to Mom, and now when I miss a turn, it says “Your sister wouldn’t have missed that.”
@suzieQ0007: My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I'm afraid to go to sleep now.
@WilliamAder: I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.