@samsara668: They say I can take the catheter out next week. And no, I'll never piss on an electric fence again
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@Reverend_Scott: Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.
@TheEighthKnight: Me: I have a huge crush on this girl. Him: What’s her name? Me: I’m not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least? Me: @
@piplips: If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names.