@joeljeffrey: They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Please. You wanna know expertise? I've spent over 300,000 hrs being a moron
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@DurtMcHurtt: Her: Stop stalling and sign the divorce papers. Me: *does "the divorce papers" in sign language* THERE I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY
@TheRolo: And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like "Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"
@hazelmotes1: Why does everyone have to point out they adopted their dog? Are they worried that we are suspicious because it doesn't look like them?
@Try2StopME: My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.