@TheTalkingPipe: They say it's the journey that matters and not the destination, which is good because I've no clue where I'm going.
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@slimmy_shady: Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?
@all_about_today: What I've learned from twitter is that if I tell a joke to 1,300 people, at least 2 will laugh.
@ValeeGrrl: Hi, childless people. I just meticulously peeled the skin off a pickle. Cuz the pickle was "bumpy." Enjoy your day. Not de-bumping pickles.