@TheTalkingPipe: They say it's the journey that matters and not the destination, which is good because I've no clue where I'm going.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
@MarcusTheToken: Whenever I'm on a flight and a bald person sits next to me, it takes a ton of willpower not to draw on their head when they are sleep.
@Brianhopecomedy: I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch.