@DadandBuried: They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BubblesnBooze: I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know.
@aneesa_p: Contrary to popular belief, when I call tech support, I don't know what the Indian dude is saying either.
@petemandik: In the future I will replace my feet with chainsaws after accidentally cutting them off with my chainsaw hands.
@Sassafrantz: [text] "Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. "Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"