@DadandBuried: They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother.
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@Jake_Vig: ALIEN: You Earthlings have many technological advances. How do you predict the weather? ME: We pull a rodent out of a box.
@KateQFunny: Me: What kind of tools do I need to make a cake? Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.
@ImHopel3ss: My dealer said he'll be here in 20 minutes with the best popcorn ever. We're gonna watch a movie!