@DadandBuried: They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother.
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@david8hughes: [last supper] "Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver." "30." "Sorry Judas?" [sips wine] "I didn't say anything."
@KentWGraham: My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
@this503girl: Recently found out I'm not the devil. I read the tag on my underpants incorrectly; it said "Satin". Oops.