@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
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@mstern68: You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime because their cells are much neater than other prisoners'
@Midgetspar: My teenage daughter is TRYING to say, "I miss you dad, please take me fishing." But it keeps coming out like, "Hey, can I have $20 dollars."
@w00f_w00f: Hate it when couples fight & change their relationship status to "single". I fight with my parents, and don't change my status to "orphan".
@ehdannyboy: To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"