@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
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@thenatewolf: Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present.
@onascaleof1210: To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one.
@kentgrossarth: Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can't chug this entire beer, right now.