@blondebombs: They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
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@ehdannyboy: I met a girl at a club last night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
@scorpicpanda: Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits. JK. He was like, "I wanna marry you." And I was like, "K."
@DanMentos: Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs
@WhiskeyPotPie: If the zombie apocalypse hits and you all need a twist tie, my mom has everyone covered.