@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.
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@markleggett: My neighbour has been playing the bongos for over an hour, and I thought he was meditating until I heard him sing "Yeah, shake that shit…"
@hippieswordfish: COP: put ur hands in the air ME: ok C: now flip them over M: k? C: now cross them M: what C: put them behind ur head M: why- C: hey macarena
@KKBowls: I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'
@Matt_the_1st: Cop: do you know why I pulled u over? Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there Cop:.... Me:.. Cop: sir, your tailamp is out Me:...