@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.
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@matt___nelson: [interrogation] Where were you last night? "Out killing people" Louder for the tape [leans in] "The Cheesecake Factory, that's where I was"
@_gothique: What I've learned from Twitter: 1. Men are pervs 2. Women are pervs 3. Cats are pervs
@Playing_Dad: *turns on shower* *shower whispers "eat donuts for breakfast" & "get drunk tonight"* Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure