@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.
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@GreenishDuck: Before Google, people had to go out in the alley and yell "WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE MONKEY FROM ALADDIN?" until they got some answers.
@shutupmikeginn: You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, "now ye must kiss me."
@Book_Krazy: Interviewer: Any questions? Me: On the sitcom Friends, how come the only couch at the coffee shop was always available for them?
@Gooooats: Nothing is more terrifying than hearing your wife yelling at your kids about something only to have them respond, “but dad said we could!”