@leahlovescheez: They say "pick your battles", so today Oreos win.
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@turtledumplin: A zombie apocalypse will be the only time you'll hear me say 'please don't eat me' ......aaaand send
@8bitgun: almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
@WildeThingy: Food wedding anniversaries: Year 1: champagne 2: strawberries 3: chocolate 4: donuts 5: protein shakes 6: microwave meal 7: Rat poison
@shutupmikeginn: Things were going well with my date, until she noticed my Roomba was a Frisbee glued to a bunch of rats