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@leahlovescheez: They say "pick your battles", so today Oreos win.
@Cpin42: [God, creating pigeons]
Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer.
@Tups13: I stare at the cats.
"And in space, if you knock something slowly off the table, it just gently floats away."
They look at me in horror.
@Moi_RaRa: Starting to believe that your family tree must've been cactus.
@trevso_electric: In Soviet Russia, tired joke format tweets YOU.
@4SLars: Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon