@ilovepie84: They say rabbits don't have glasses because they eat carrots. They also don't have thumbs. I like my thumbs so i don't eat carrots.
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@GrantTanaka: Hey kids, for Halloween, let’s go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?
@tiffaynay: Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries.
@RidiculousSheri: I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I'm on a budget.