@ilovepie84: They say rabbits don't have glasses because they eat carrots. They also don't have thumbs. I like my thumbs so i don't eat carrots.
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@lawyerthoughts: First they ignore your fanny pack, then they laugh at your fanny pack, then they see you eat gummy bears from your fanny pack, then you win.
@Your_Boy_Dylan: How did girls text before emojis? Hey I can't wait to see you tonight! PARTY HAT MARTINI GLASS NOISEMAKER BEER MUG CAT DOG SUNGLASSES POOP
@HrBry: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate
@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.