@ilovepie84: They say rabbits don't have glasses because they eat carrots. They also don't have thumbs. I like my thumbs so i don't eat carrots.
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@thejamietighe: Coworker: What book you reading there? Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker' CW:... Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one.
@GuyThe_Guy: Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999. No seriously, Greg's been in a coma for 14 years. We'll tell him that shit tomorrow night though.
@Swishergirl24: I wanna go out I wanna come in I wanna go out I wanna come in I wanna go out I wanna come in -My dog, all day long.
@AimByWhiskey: My home security system is a nerf sword by the door. My liquor cabinet has a retina scanner, 3 pit bulls & my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher.