@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
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@Jake_Vig: ME: I can understand why, it's so silky and luxurious. THEM: Huh? I said I worship Satan. ME: Oh. I thought you said "satin."
@longwall26: It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims' hands into turkeys this time of year.