@UncleDuke1969: They say that blondes are dumb, but I've gotten a brunette to marry me too.
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@PFitzpa: Please do not return empty candy wrappers to the dish. It leads to false expectations and uncontrollable rage.
@dogboner: in the rental car today and my son said it was like we were in a "rocket ship" how many rocket ships have you been in. That's what I thought
@WeissBrandon: Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth.
@bourgeoisalien: don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: "lift with a straight back!" it felt good