@UncleDuke1969: They say that blondes are dumb, but I've gotten a brunette to marry me too.
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@dubstep4dads: that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute
@TheMichaelRock: Wife: Where are the kids? Me *turns off router* [from down the hallway] HEYYYYYYY!!!! Me: They're in their rooms.
@shariv67: The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that's all you really need.
@ohpeetie: 10: What's it like being a grown up? Me [hands her money]: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly