@mommajessiec: They say the cheetah is the fastest land animal, but nobody has ever clocked a parent whose child called for a plunger from within the bathroom.
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@crayan9: I don't mind when people make kitchen jokes about women, but when they make jokes about women driving... Well that's when I run you over
@fro_vo: ME: oh no inanimate objects are coming to life FRIEND: what where ME: look out the window STEPHEN KING: But the warning came too late. The evil window attacked
@Grommit56: This Coke-Pepsi debate makes me laugh sometimes. It's frigging cola. Who cares? Says the guy who is horrified that people like Skippy peanut butter when there's Jif.
@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.