@envydatropic: They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that's why I surround myself with lazy people
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@lisaxy424: My parents are replacing a toilet in the house I grew up in, so now it's just some potty that I used to know. Thanks for following.
@KarlreMarks: Say what you like about us Arabs, but at least we don't go to Africa and start naming lions 'Ahmad' and 'Hassan'.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Just so you know, I’m DTF right now. Wife: I don’t know what "DTF" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?
@Dr_awfulpants: [at ATM] Would I like to check my balance? Okay sure. *presses button* *robot leg shoots out and sweeps mine* 'Your balance is: awful'