@macchiatonumb: They say women only use 10% of their anger
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@dinokitten: Dad: Why do you smell like weed? Me: How do you know what weed smells like?! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :(
@ComedicBust: Girlfriend: How old were you when you lost your virginity, 16-17? Me: [remembering having a bowl cut until I was 28] Around there.
@iamMunga: Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already.
@AntiSemanticShw: In my life Ive spent 90% of my money on drugs, drinking and women. The other 10% I wasted.