@1Happytwit: They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn't mean to eat it. I don't want to be a bug.
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@Phook75: Working on a theory that Johnny Depp died shortly after The Rum Diary and filthy scarves and wigs are simply wheeled onto movie sets now
@JohnLyonTweets: [heaven] Abraham Lincoln: If only I'd stayed in that night instead of going to that show. Batman's parents: Same.
@generaldietz: Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?