@SteveSuckington: They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn't be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.
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@Steven37366100: Me: I can't believe it's not butter!! Wife: Well, that's suntan lotion so I don't know why you're surprised Me: *continues eating
@duumb: [remembering phone charger is in my pocket as I jump from empire state building] omg this is gonna hurt