@SteveSuckington: They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn't be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.
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@rickygervais: Remember, YOUR God is real. All those other Gods are ridiculous, made-up nonsense. But not yours. Your God is real. Whichever one that is.
@TheMichaelRock: Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house.
@pinupteacher: After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I've decided I need to up my break dancing game.
@flashember: [Swims out to Sea] *sees shark* OH NO! *dolphins save me* Thanks dolphins! *dolphins ask for a tip [I'm broke] *they return me to the shark*