@_Shizzle: They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
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@stephenjmolloy: *registering with a doctor* Receptionist: "Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section" *batman runs out crying*
@Snarfernini: *boss walks in Me: I lost my contact Boss: Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk? Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave
@michaelianblack: How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?