@_Shizzle: They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
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@daemonic3: [pharmacy] "I'd like a refill for this bottle of pills" PHARMACIST: Would you like childproof? "No thanks, I already believe in children"
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.
@Vice_Queen: Please stop telling me how you wish you had my curly hair. You don't know the struggle of waking up looking like Mufasa.