@jessokfine: They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I'd love to hear a Michael Bublé version of Monster Mash.
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@juliacomedy: remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
@PhuckinCody: [starbucks] BARISTA: can i get a name? ME: sure. you look like a Tiffany BARISTA: no i mean a name for the order ME: oh! we'll call this "the most important order of the day"
@trevso_electric: Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
@cool_as_heck: OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit