@TheCatWhisprer: They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year.
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@weinerdog4life: Huge sale this weekend, we have too many mountain lions, please come buy a mountain lion, this was a horrible business plan, one guy got ate
@AndyAsAdjective: BOSS: I need to see you in my office ME: *I begrudgingly take off my invisibility cloak* oh alright
@De_ja_vu_who: Deathbed confession Me: We're bankrupt Him: What? How? Me: I lied about being able to fold fitted sheets. I bought new ones every time