@AngelaEhh: They should really have disposable razors in the women's bathrooms at bars.
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@rockymomax: [me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautée pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO
@_NTFG_: SHAME ON YOU LOT for showing newby tweeters bad behaviour this weekend *ring ring* ME: Hello FRIEND: Nat. Why is my son saying the F Word?
@SCbchbum: me: how old is your baby? her: 46 weeks me, struggling w/the math: may i offer him a beer?