@shariv67: They should really replace, "I now pronounce you man and wife" with "FINISH HIM!!"
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@Dr_powpow: Like every good global citizen I've reduced my power consumption by 50% by running all my power off the neighbours while they're on vacation
@sixfootcandy: Dr: How can I help you? Me: Can you make me look like this? Dr: Ma'am, that's a picture of Hello Kitty.
@Heartblakekid15: Roommate: hey blake I just bought this whiskey wanna explain why it's half empty? Me: cause you're a pessimist!