@kelkulus: They should remake The Ring; instead of a tape, the creepy little girl uploads her video to YouTube and wipes out pretty much everybody.
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@sip_at_home_mom: This dressing room attendant would be a lot more helpful if she offered to bring me a drink, instead of a different size.
@EndhooS: [High school reunion] Classmate: I've been out building schools in Africa Me: I got banned from the zoo for gluing sideburns onto a dolphin
@handsock_butts: HADES: what happens when Aphrodites hair gets frizzy? ZEUS: don't- HADES: i guess u could call her AFROdite ZEUS: this is why we banished u