@GrillinChillin9: Stands at the gates of hell. Waves to my mother in law. Leaves.

@underchilde: You could probably master Mandarin while waiting on the last bit of laundry detergent to drizzle into the cap.

@TragicAllyHere: A fun part of marriage is arguing over who deserves to use the charger in the car. PROVE IT, SHOW ME YOUR PERCENTAGE

@markydoodoo: GF: that spoon is still dirty ME: but I just got it out of the dishwasher GF: I can see the mayo on it ME: yeah but it's clean mayo now

@MrsTomServo: Guy cut me off & I shouted, "you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND." Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive.