@Dank_Pal: They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys
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@UnderTheJewFro: If someone ever challenges you to a fight, pull your pants off and chase them crotch first. I'm currently undefeated with this method.
@Coolisiana: INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself
@ambamthankyamam: Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
@sublyfe2015: My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.