@ninjadinosaur1: 'They'll be searching for days!' I giggle as I leave 'sorry bout the damage notes' on random cars at the Costco
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@NickAmadeus: I'm so sick of unexpected character deaths for shock value. This is a terrible pilates video.
@HallpassCanada: The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn't seem to be having the desired affect.
@NewDadNotes: [after dinner] Mugger: gimme your wallet. Me: may I keep my ID? Mugger: fine. Me: [velcro sound] Mugger: I can’t be seen with that. gimme your shoes instead. Me: [velcro sound] Mugger: you know what never mind.