@ninjadinosaur1: 'They'll be searching for days!' I giggle as I leave 'sorry bout the damage notes' on random cars at the Costco
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@nyax6: Abraham: look here son, i got windows 98! Isaac: but dad, we don't have enough memory? Abraham:Have faith, God will provide the RAM.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
@lenadunham: To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing