@ryangriffiths: Todays stats: My 3yr old got pissed off with me because I couldn't stop the wind.
@MarfSalvador: [my dog poops]
man: pick it up!
[my dog poops faster]
@FuckabillyRex: I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong.
@DannyZuker: Parents, stop giving your kids these crazy names. I just found a love letter my son wrote to a girl named "Steven!"
@QwertyJones3: Would you like to learn about the Mormon Church?
"No thanks."
Don't judge too quickly. We have a lot of sects...
"WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"
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