@ninjadinosaur1: 'They'll be searching for days!' I giggle as I leave 'sorry bout the damage notes' on random cars at the Costco
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@Lexactly: Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying "Cute doggie" and realizing it's their kid
@djdarrellripley: Me: Don't tell me you've never thought about having sex with me. Her: No, I never have.... Me: I asked you not to tell me that.
@NoogsCorner: Whenever I see an unsecured WiFi, I just assume it's owned by a chimpanzee sitting in a room and hitting a keyboard with a hammer.
@BlindChow: Your honor, may I approach the bench? "You may." *walks up to bench* *boops judge's nose*