@OfficeofSteve: They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot
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@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: What are your strengths? Me: Is the next question going to be about weaknesses? JI: Yes. Me: I'm very perceptive.
@aneesa_p: Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands. They don't give a fork.
@envydatropic: The Heimlich maneuver doesn't work when you choke on your own words.....I know this now
@WorkingMom86: *at hostage negotiation class Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here Man: I joined the NYPD Woman: I'm in the FBI Me: I have a toddler