@OfficeofSteve: They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot
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@tweetarded1: My soon to be ex-wife just told me I need to face my demons. nnWTF. I was looking right at her.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: (CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?
@SoVeryBritish: Leaving restaurant: "That was lovely" Outside: "Well, it was okay" In car: "I mean, it wasn't great" Back home: "We won't go there again"