@SwartyComedy: They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years.
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@CroweJam: There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
@mikefossey: (I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)
@Dawn_M_: Astronauts wear helmets to hide their tears when they discover the moon isn't made of cheese.