@Lisa_Laughs_: They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.
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@faizziy: Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
@ThatEggChick: I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
@fred_dog: Do you know how many poisonous apples I'd have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
@joe_binkley: "I heard that taking your shirt off can make you appear more aggressive and self-confident." "Ok, but we already said you got the job."