@Lisa_Laughs_: They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.
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@melpraktis: Safe words are for quitters.
@AtticusFinch79: <gets on elevator > Pushes all the buttons Hugs everyone Prays out loud that we're not going to die Gets off at the 2nd floor Laughs
@ConanOBrien: Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”
@inthefade: what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex
@panmidwest: ME: Would you ever get a tattoo? DAD: I don't even highlight in books
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