@AutumnSkye13: Baked beans are like regular beans except they can't stop laughing, love munchies and sleep on your couch.

@Holy_Mowgli: ME: I got fired for microwaving fish at work HER: whoa, fired? that seems harsh ME: whatever, I didn't like working at the aquarium anyway

@ChickGamerJenna: Osama Bin Laden should have hid in MySpace

@mrnickharvey: Son: What are caterpillars afraid of? Me: It's unlikely that they experience fear. They're not self-aware, so... Son: [sadly] Dogerpillars.

@iinkedZombie: My son asked me what it's like to be a parent so I woke him up at 3 a.m. to let him know that I couldn't sleep.