@arresteddev: They're upping my charges from prank bomb to non-Arab terrorism.
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@nPhelendriqal: "I'll have what she's having." " Sir, this is a gynecolo-" "Shhhh.. *puts finger over Dr's lips* I said I'll have what she's having."
@jonnysun: [escorted out of google hq with armful of snakes at 9:02am on my 1st day] WELL MAYBE U SHOULDA CLARIFIED WAT U MEANT BY "PYTHON PROGRAMMER"
@LaniBeno: Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.
@animaldrumss: Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?