@arresteddev: They're upping my charges from prank bomb to non-Arab terrorism.
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@NicCageMatch: My dog is starting a food blog where she writes about the delicious flavors of the various paper napkins she finds and eats.
@Izianikapani: Obstetrician who has taken up magic as a hobby: and what have we here? *pulls out baby after baby after baby after baby after baby...
@GoldenSpirals: Kid: Mommy, can we get a pineapple? Mom: No, sweetie. I don't know how to cut them. Kid: I know Mommy! You use a knife.