@imVig: Thief: Did u see me rob this bank?nTeller: well, yes!nn*Teller shot in the head*nThief: DID U SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?nMe: No. But my wife did!
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@david8hughes: [wife drops me at the airport] Wife: have a safe flight Me: I have no say in the matter Wife [already driving off]: die then
@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.