@itsa_talia: things getting way heated on my picture of flowers #couplestherapy
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@kcmoore51: *puts arm around you* You've been burned before but, you're safe with me. Let your gaurd down, girl. *steals your pizza*
@madeleinedoux: [date at rooftop bar] give me ur hand "Is tha-are u wearing a squirrel tail?" *rips off jacket to reveal flying squirrel suit* do u trust me
@eyeswidebutt: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I would like to invite you to play Candy Crush.
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead