@tehaveragejoel: things I'm passionate about: The Rule of Threes, self referential humor, and the Oxford comma.
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@DanMentos: [first day of work as a 911 operator] "Hello, 911" Hi someone's trying to break into my house "holy shit call 911"
@Playing_Dad: Coworker: How are you doing this morning? Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you?